December 2, 2012, Washington, D.C.

President Obama has been steadfast in his decision over the fiscal cliff, and House Speaker John Boehner is using a tried but true tactic that has worked for years: crying.

“The President states that he has given us all the concessions that can be made … ” Boehner said, sniffling during a Q&A session at the Capitol. “While he and the democratic congress believe their compromise is best for the American people, we … “

As Boehner glanced down, a tear quickly dropped on his shoe. Looking up, batting his eyelashes, Representative Boehner was trying to keep the waterworks from flowing.

“We, the Republican congress, believe the President and his minions are steamrolling … “

Covering his mouth, Boehner paused, shutting his eyes tightly before taking a deep breath, opening his bloodshot eyes.

“They are attempting to steamroll their agenda on the American people, and I won’t stand for it!”

Before reporters were able to ask any more questions, Boehner ran off, holding his hands over his face and ducking into the restroom.

Senate Minority leader Mitch McConnell was left holding the mike, shocked and upset at the reporters.

“You just had to ask him about the fiscal cliff, didn’t you?” McConnell glared. “Why can’t you just leave him alone?”

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